182: How to Stay Calm in Difficult Conversations—Even When You’re Triggered | Cynthia Kane

Release Date: 

July 1, 2025

Release Date: June 19

What if your most powerful communication tool wasn’t your voice—but your silence?

In this episode, Damon Lembi sits down with mindfulness teacher and bestselling author Cynthia Kane to explore her game-changing approach to communication. From avoiding difficult conversations to managing high-stakes interactions at work, Cynthia reveals how the ability to pause—mentally, physically, and emotionally—can completely transform the way we lead, collaborate, and connect.

Drawing from her book The Pause Principle and her signature SOFTEN Method, Cynthia shares a practical playbook for more grounded, intentional, and effective communication—starting with yourself.

What You’ll Learn:

  • Why silence—not speaking—is the foundation of great communication
  • How the body reacts during tough conversations and what to do about it
  • The SOFTEN Method: 6 tools to calm down and show up intentionally
  • Why most communication breakdowns start with the stories we tell ourselves
  • How to unlearn the communication habits you inherited
  • What mindful leaders do to create space, safety, and clarity
  • A practice you can use between back-to-back meetings to reset
  • How one conversation Cynthia avoided for 13 years changed everything
  • What leaders need to know about tension, trust, and team dynamics
  • How to go from reacting to responding—especially under pressure

In This Episode:

  • 00:00 – The moment before you speak is where leadership begins
  • 01:30 – Can people really change how they communicate? Yes.
  • 03:00 – Two types of people: aware of communication struggles—and unaware
  • 04:00 – Damon's take: poor communication quietly stalls careers
  • 05:30 – Cynthia’s story: 13 years avoiding one key conversation
  • 07:30 – Fear, survival, and the ripple effect of not speaking up
  • 09:00 – Meditation and Buddhism: Cynthia’s unexpected entry point
  • 11:00 – From Right Speech to real-world practice
  • 13:00 – Why “in the moment” strategies matter most
  • 14:30 – Introducing the SOFTEN Method
  • 16:00 – Sensation: tuning into your body before your words
  • 18:00 – Owning discomfort and calming your nervous system
  • 20:00 – The subtle power of tactile strategies (no one will notice)
  • 22:00 – Can one person change the tone of a conversation? Yes.
  • 24:00 – Tactile tools for leaders: finger tapping, grounding, pressure points
  • 26:00 – Rewriting your inner voice to change how you lead
  • 28:00 – Team case study: how communication training shifted dynamics
  • 30:00 – Why leaders must do the work—not just their teams
  • 32:00 – Meditation for communicators (even if you “suck” at it)
  • 34:00 – The real practice: noticing, returning, and being kind
  • 36:00 – Resetting after a tough conversation so you’re fully present
  • 38:00 – Communication in sales: when excitement gets in the way
  • 40:00 – Slow down. One person can shift the whole vibe
  • 42:00 – Why human connection and adaptability matter more than ever
  • 44:00 – Cynthia’s hope: thriving relationships and better day-to-days
  • 45:00 – Final takeaway: Attention follows intention. Practice is the path.

About Cynthia Kane:

Cynthia Kane is a mindfulness teacher, communication expert, and author of multiple books including The Pause Principle and How to Communicate Like a Buddhist. Through her SOFTEN Method, she’s helped thousands of professionals learn how to turn everyday conversations into moments of clarity, connection, and calm. Her work blends Eastern philosophy with practical tools for the modern workplace and life.

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