BLOG
Why New Leaders Struggle (and Why This Conversation Matters)
For many first-time managers, leadership feels like a promotion into a pressure cooker.
The shift from high-performing individual contributor to leader often happens quickly, and with far less preparation than most people expect. Suddenly, success is no longer measured by what you do, but by how others perform. You’re navigating people dynamics, expectations from above, and your own internal doubts all at the same time.
This exact tension framed Learnit’s New Leaders Lab, a live conversation held on December 12, 2025, hosted by Mickey Fitch-Collins, PhD, leadership facilitator and longtime Learnit human skills instructor. Joining Mickey was Lindsay Brecht, an HR and learning and development leader at Arcus Biosciences.
Rather than positioning leadership as a fixed set of competencies, the conversation explored what leadership actually feels like in practice, especially early on. Audience members surfaced common pain points: constant mental fatigue, pressure to be available, uncertainty about whether they were “doing it right,” and a growing sense of exhaustion that didn’t always match the number of hours worked.
What became clear: These struggles aren’t signs of inadequacy. They’re signals that leadership requires a different operating system.
What follows is a playbook to upgrade that operating system.
Mickey posed a question many new managers quietly wrestle with: “Why does leadership feel so draining—even when I’m not technically working more hours?”
Lindsay’s response reframed the issue. Leadership, she explained, places sustained demands on attention, emotional regulation, and decision-making. New leaders are not just completing tasks, they are constantly reading the room, managing reactions, and holding space for others, often without realizing how much energy that requires.
This is where many first-time managers get stuck. They assume exhaustion is a personal failing or a time management problem, so they try to optimize their calendars. But as Lindsay pointed out, energy—not time—is often the real constraint.
Even days filled with meetings that seemed “manageable” on paper can leave new leaders mentally depleted. The pressure to always be responsive, to appear confident, and to make the right call compounded over time.
Mickey highlighted how common this pattern is among high performers promoted into leadership. Accustomed to pushing through fatigue, they apply the same strategy to leadership only to find it unsustainable. Without adjusting how energy is managed, burnout becomes almost inevitable.
One of the most practical moments in the conversation came when Mickey and Lindsay discussed flexibility as a core leadership capability.
Lindsay emphasized that rigid schedules often work against leaders, especially those still developing confidence in their role. When leaders feel trapped by fixed routines or constant availability, they lose the ability to respond intentionally. Flexibility, on the other hand, allows leaders to align their most demanding responsibilities with their natural energy rhythms.
Mickey noted that some of her most effective leadership moments came not from working longer hours, but from being more deliberate about when and how she engaged.
The takeaway for new managers was clear: flexibility isn’t about doing less—it’s about protecting the energy required to lead well.
Small shifts can make a meaningful difference:
These adjustments model sustainable leadership and give teams permission to do the same.
Leadership does not improve in a straight line.
In the lab, several participants described the emotional whiplash of leadership. A strong meeting or positive piece of feedback would bring a sense of momentum, only to be followed quickly by doubt, frustration, or the feeling that they were suddenly in over their heads. Mickey acknowledged how common this experience is, especially for high performers who are used to measuring success through consistent upward progress.
Lindsay added important context by reframing these emotional swings as part of the learning process, not a sign that something was going wrong. New leaders are building entirely new muscles. Unlike technical skills, leadership growth often comes in bursts, followed by periods of uncertainty while lessons are integrated.
Mickey emphasized that the danger is not experiencing doubt. The danger is assuming that doubt means you are not cut out for leadership. That belief often leads new leaders to overcorrect, disengage, or stop trusting their instincts.
The conversation surfaced an important distinction. For first-time leaders, feedback and outcomes often feel personal because identity is still tied closely to performance. When something does not land well, it can feel like a verdict on capability rather than a moment of growth.
Lindsay said that emotional regulation plays a critical role here. Without awareness, leaders can spiral into rumination. They replay conversations, second-guess decisions, and mentally rehearse alternative outcomes long after the moment has passed. This not only drains energy, it clouds judgment moving forward.
Mickey shared that part of her own leadership development involved learning how to notice these internal reactions without immediately acting on them. Naming the valley, rather than resisting it, created space to reflect instead of react.
A key takeaway from this part of the Lab was that effective leaders do not avoid valleys. They learn how to move through them with intention.
Rather than asking, “What did I do wrong?” Mickey encouraged new managers to ask more productive questions:
Reflection does not mean self-criticism. It means curiosity. When leaders stay curious, valleys become data points rather than judgments.
When Mickey asked the group what felt hardest about stepping into leadership, the answers came quickly: Managing expectations. Running meetings. Navigating conflict. Feeling responsible for outcomes without full control. But when she followed up by asking what had gone right recently, the room went quiet.
Mickey pointed out that this hesitation is incredibly common for first-time managers. New leaders often evaluate themselves using the wrong scorecard. They look for big moments of visible authority or dramatic breakthroughs with their teams. When those moments do not appear, they assume they are not making an impact.
Lindsay offered a different perspective. Leadership impact, especially early on, is often quiet. It shows up in subtle shifts. A team member speaking up more. A meeting running slightly smoother. A difficult conversation that did not escalate. These moments are easy to dismiss, but they are foundational.
One reason small wins go unnoticed is that new leaders are still defining what success looks like. Without clear internal markers, they default to external validation. Praise from above. Clear outcomes. Measurable results. While those matter, they lag behind the behaviors that create them.
Mickey emphasized that many of the most important leadership behaviors do not feel productive in the moment. Listening instead of fixing. Pausing before responding. Following up when it would be easier to move on. These actions rarely deliver instant feedback, but they compound over time.
Lindsay added that the nervous system plays a role here as well. When leaders are under stress, the brain scans for threats rather than progress. This makes it easier to remember what went wrong than what went right. Without intentional reflection, small wins disappear.
The Lab conversation reframed confidence not as a feeling that arrives one day, but as something built through repeated evidence. Each small win becomes proof that you can handle the role, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Mickey shared that one of the most effective practices she has seen with new leaders is keeping a simple record of what worked. Not to inflate ego, but to balance perspective. Over time, this record helps leaders see growth that felt invisible in the moment.
Lindsay reinforced that recognizing small wins also changes how leaders show up with their teams. When leaders notice progress, they become more encouraging, more patient, and more grounded. That energy is felt.
One theme surfaced again and again: Many new leaders are doing all the right things at work and still feel depleted.
Mickey named this as one of the most confusing experiences for first-time managers. On paper, nothing seems wrong. They are engaged, committed, and capable. Yet energy levels drop, focus slips, and motivation feels harder to access. This disconnect often leads leaders to push harder rather than look deeper.
Lindsay encouraged participants to broaden how they think about boundaries. Boundaries are not only about saying no to meetings or protecting time on the calendar. They also include habits outside of work that directly affect how leaders show up.
Lindsay spoke about how common lifestyle habits can quietly disrupt energy. Alcohol was named as a prime disrupter.
Even moderate drinking can interfere with sleep quality, recovery, and emotional regulation. For leaders, this matters more than most realize. Poor recovery reduces patience, increases reactivity, and narrows perspective. Over time, these effects compound and can make leadership feel far more difficult than it needs to be.
Mickey acknowledged how normalized alcohol is as a way to decompress after demanding days. For new leaders, that release can feel earned. But the conversation invited participants to ask a more useful question. Is this habit actually helping me recover, or is it borrowing energy from tomorrow?
The goal was awareness. When leaders understand how their habits affect energy, they can make more intentional choices that support performance rather than undermine it.
Beyond habits, the Lab also addressed the role of breaks. Many new managers hesitate to pause because they fear falling behind or appearing less committed. Mickey pointed out that this mindset often leads to diminishing returns. Without breaks, leaders lose clarity, creativity, and emotional range.
Lindsay reframed breaks as a way to reset the nervous system. Even short pauses allow leaders to return to conversations with more presence. Over time, this builds trust and steadiness.
Leaders set the tone. When managers model sustainable behavior, they give their teams permission to do the same. Boundaries become cultural signals, not personal indulgences.
Before leaders can effectively support their teams, they have to learn how to lead themselves.
For first-time managers, this idea can feel abstract. Leadership training often focuses on external skills like communication, delegation, and feedback. But as Lindsay pointed out during the conversation, those skills break down quickly when a leader is internally dysregulated.
Lindsay described how internal state shapes every interaction. When leaders are stressed, distracted, or emotionally reactive, their teams feel it immediately, even if nothing is said. Presence is about the energy leaders bring into the room.
Self-awareness is not a soft add-on. It is a foundational leadership skill.
Lindsay explained that many leadership missteps happen in milliseconds. A defensive tone. A rushed response. A missed cue from a team member. Without self-awareness, leaders often realize what happened only after the fact.
Mickey encouraged participants to ask simple questions like, “What am I bringing into this conversation?” or “What am I reacting to right now?” creates space between stimulus and response.
These moments do not require long reflection sessions. They require attention.
Another important thread in the conversation was the connection between self-regulation and trust. Teams look to leaders for cues on how safe, steady, and supported they are.
When leaders can regulate their own emotions, they create consistency. When they cannot, teams become cautious. Lindsay noted that emotional regulation does not mean hiding feelings. It means staying grounded enough to communicate clearly and calmly, even under pressure.
Mickey added that this is especially important for new managers. Teams are still learning what to expect from them. Consistent emotional presence builds credibility faster than any formal authority.
Mickey invited participants to think beyond how meetings are planned and facilitated. The real question, she suggested, is what happens after the meeting ends.
Many first-time managers measure success by whether they covered the agenda, stayed on time, or avoided visible conflict. But as Lindsay pointed out, leadership impact often shows up later, in how people follow through, communicate, and feel about the direction set.
Mickey shared a reflection on leading a staff meeting and realizing afterward that not everything landed as intended. Rather than dismissing the experience or becoming self-critical, she described stepping back to ask what she could learn from it.
Lindsay highlighted how rare this kind of reflection is, especially among new managers who feel pressure to appear confident. Many leaders either replay meetings with judgment or avoid thinking about them altogether. Neither approach leads to growth.
The conversation reframed reflection as a skill. Noticing where energy shifted. Observing who spoke up and who stayed quiet. Paying attention to what felt clear and what felt unresolved. These signals offer valuable information.
Mickey reinforced that reflection does not require perfection. It requires honesty. Leaders who allow themselves to learn in real time improve faster and build stronger relationships.
Another key insight from this section of the Lab was the importance of closing the loop. When leaders follow up on meetings by clarifying next steps, acknowledging confusion, or revisiting decisions, they signal accountability.
Lindsay explained that this follow-up often matters more than how the meeting itself was run. It shows teams that their time and input are valued. It also demonstrates that learning and adjustment are part of the leadership process.
Mickey added that closing the loop is especially powerful for new leaders. It builds trust and reduces the pressure to get everything right the first time.
High performers are often rewarded for certainty. They solve problems quickly, move fast, and produce results. When they step into leadership, that instinct does not disappear. Instead, it creates pressure to appear decisive at all times, even when situations are complex or unclear.
Leadership, especially early on, is less about certainty and more about awareness. New leaders are learning how systems work, how people respond, and how their own internal state affects outcomes. Expecting clarity before experience sets an impossible standard.
Mickey reflected that some of her most meaningful leadership growth happened when she let go of the need to perform leadership and focused instead on practicing it. That shift created room for curiosity, feedback, and adaptation.
When leaders stop treating leadership as a test they must pass and start seeing it as a skill they are developing, pressure decreases and effectiveness increases.
One of the most powerful themes to emerge was the move from performance to presence. Rather than asking, “How do I look as a leader?” participants were encouraged to ask, “How am I showing up in this moment?”
Lindsay explained that presence allows leaders to respond to what is actually happening, not what they think should be happening. It creates space for listening, learning, and adjusting in real time.
Mickey emphasized that this shift does not make leaders less effective. It makes them more human. And in doing so, it builds trust faster than any display of authority.
One of the biggest takeaways from the conversation was this: Leadership is not something you either have or do not have. It is something you practice.
The challenges discussed throughout the conversation are not signs of failure. They are signals that learning is underway. Energy dips, self-doubt, and uncertainty are not indicators that you are in the wrong role. They are part of the process of growing into it.
No leader arrives fully formed. Every effective leader has moved through the same early moments of discomfort, reflection, and adjustment. What separates those who grow from those who stall is not talent, but willingness to stay engaged with the learning.
Sustainable leadership starts with awareness. When leaders pay attention to their energy, habits, reactions, and mindset, they create the conditions for long-term effectiveness.
For first-time managers and emerging leaders, the takeaway is simple and powerful. You do not need to be perfect. You need to be present, curious, and willing to practice.
Leadership is built one conversation, one decision, and one reflection at a time.
Want our articles in your inbox? Sign up for our blog newsletter to never miss out!
