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Being promoted over your peers is one of the hardest transitions for new managers. Learn how to rebuild trust, reset expectations, and lead former coworkers with confidence.
There is a moment in every leader's journey that we don't talk about enough on the podcast. It’s not the day you get the corner office. It’s the day you learn you’ll be managing your former peers. It’s the day you realize your work friends aren't quite your friends anymore.
Not because anyone did anything wrong. But because you got promoted over your peers, and now you're their boss.
This is one of the hardest challenges for new leaders: learning how to manage former peers who once worked alongside you.
We see this pain point surface all the time with clients at Learnit. A YouGov study calls it the "Accidental Manager" phenomenon. Their research suggests that nearly 82% of leaders are promoted because they were high-performing individual contributors, not because they were ready to lead humans. They crush their sales numbers, they get tapped for management, and suddenly with no formal management training they are navigating a minefield they never saw coming.
The inside jokes stop. The lunch invitations dry up.
Recently, I sat down with Josh Nanavaty, VP of Ticket Sales for the San Jose Sharks to discuss all this on the Learn-It-All™ podcast. Before he was a VP, he climbed from intern to executive over 11 years with the Vancouver Canucks. When I asked him about the single biggest challenge of his career, he didn't hesitate:
"Going from being a peer to somebody's boss... Tough.It's probably been the biggest challenge of my career."
If you are facing this transition—or about to—Josh’s hard-won wisdom might save you months of awkwardness. Here is how to lead people who used to be your equals, without losing yourself or them.
In sports, teams don't just work together, they live together. Josh spent years building genuine friendships with people who suddenly had to report to him.
"We have a very close-knit group because we are working a lot of holidays and weekends together," he explained. "So you spend a lot of time with those people... going for a drink after work."
A new leader might make the mistake to assume that respect automatically transfers with the title. Josh learned the hard way that "not everyone is just gonna all of a sudden respect you because they report into you, especially if they have that peer-like relationship."
You are living in a paradox. When managing former peers your relationship must change, but it doesn't have to die.
Josh admits there is "no secret sauce" to fixing this overnight, but he realized that success comes down to awareness. You can't sleepwalk through this transition hoping everyone will just "get it." You have to acknowledge the awkwardness.
Josh now leads a team of over 60 people. His approach to earning trust while managing former peers is built on one fundamental principle: Constant Communication.
"It's just about creating conversation," Josh says.
Think of trust like a bank account. Every time you are transparent about a decision, you are making a deposit. Josh tells his team: "I hope that you trust that I have your best judgment at heart."
At the core you’re building psychological safety by encouraging honest responses to a difficult situation. Amy Edmonson of Harvard Business School cites psychological safety as the key to overcoming challenges. If you can be honest and open at the start, you’ll have a team that is honest and open down the road.
Why does this matter? Because eventually, you will have to make a tough call where you can't explain the "why." If you haven't made enough deposits, that withdrawal will bounce.
"Trust and relationship building takes time," Josh reminded me. "It just really does."
When Josh moved to his role with the San Jose Sharks, he had a "clean slate." But he used a tactic there that he wishes he had perfected back when he was managing former peers in Vancouver.
He met with every single person on the team for 30 minutes.
These weren't performance reviews. They were listening sessions. He asked two simple things:
If you are leading former peers, you need to do this immediately. Sit them down and say, "Hey, I know this is going to be weird for both of us. We've been peers for three years, and now I'm your manager. I want to figure out how to do this well."
It’s an honest approach to managing a very difficult change.
The hardest part of this transition isn't managing others; it's managing your own ego.
When you are an individual contributor, success is about YOU—your sales, your projects, your wins. When Josh was a young leader, he admits he struggled with "dying on every single hill" because he took pushback as a "personal affront."
But to survive managing former peers, you have to flip the script. Josh asks one question to anyone looking to get promoted: "Can you put the 'we' before the 'me'?"
This is the golden rule of the transition. Your job is no longer to be the hero; your job is to be the hero-maker. As Josh put it in one of my favorite lines of the interview:
"Their success is my success, but their failures are squarely on me."
Transitioning from peer to managing former peers is one of the most overlooked leadership challenges. Managing former peers requires resetting expectations, rebuilding trust, and redefining the relationship without losing mutual respect. It’s a common situation for high performers who are promoted based on results rather than leadership readiness. Learning how to lead people who used to be your equals is a foundational skill for any new manager.
When you lead former peers, the temptation is to jump in and fix their problems to prove you deserve the promotion. Josh advises the opposite: "I'm available to help but only if you need it."
Teach them to fish. Step back. Let them win.
Leading people who used to be your equals is messy. It requires thick skin and high empathy. But if you can communicate constantly, build trust intentionally, and truly put the "we" before the "me," you’ll find that the relationships don't just survive—they get stronger.
Next Step: This week, pick one person on your team (especially if they used to be your peer) and have a real conversation. Not about a deadline, but about the transition. Ask them: "How can I best support you in this new dynamic?"
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