166: 12 Brutal Truths I Wish I Knew In My 20s | Damon Lembi

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i wish that I knew what I knew now when

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I was younger Okay please don't click

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away I know that's a terrible version of

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a song by Rod Stewart in the Faces and I

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promise I won't try to sing again But

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what I am going to do is share with you

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12 things that I know now that I wish I

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knew when I was younger in hopes that

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it's going to help you avoid these

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challenges so that you could learn and

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grow and be successful more successful

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than you even are

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now Welcome to the Learn It All podcast

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I'm your host Damon Lebby two-time

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bestselling author and CEO of Learnit a

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live learning platform that has helped

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upskill over two million people over the

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past three decades All right let's get

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started I'm going to share with you 12

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things that I want to help you

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avoid Number one and this I think is

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probably the most important and it's

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time Time is the only asset we have that

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we can't get back Think about it When it

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comes to friends we could find ways to

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find and get more friends Even money we

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lose money There's always ways to go out

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work hard and figure out how to make

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more money And it even comes down to

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your physical health In most cases you

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can reclaim your physical health just by

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changing and doing things differently

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But when it comes down to time once it's

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gone it's gone And it's heartbreaking to

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hear people say "I wish I could have

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gone back in time and done things

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differently." I know because I've said

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that myself many many times Let's walk

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through a couple of the areas to make

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sure that you can really protect and use

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your time as effective as possible A big

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lesson for me is around friends Be

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intentional about who you spend your

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time with Are they adding value or are

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they wasting time throughout the years

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I've always thought it was great to have

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a ton of different friends And most of

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them are awesome Some of them weren't

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great and they didn't add any value And

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if I had to go back in time I would have

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eliminated them from my life much

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earlier Sometimes it's not easy but just

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eliminate those people from your lives

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Also when it comes to time are you

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overwork are you spending too much time

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in the office are you working 60 80

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hours a week are you trying to do

2:09

everything yourself and not learning how

2:10

to delegate when I was growing up I

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followed after my grandfather and Frank

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Lebby was legendary for putting in 60 80

2:17

hours a week and I wanted to be like him

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One of the things I didn't realize at

2:21

the time is that doing everything

2:23

yourself doesn't necessarily make it the

2:26

best way to get things done I've learned

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that it it's really important to tap

2:29

into the people around you especially if

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they have more strengths in certain

2:33

areas than you do Because a lot of times

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I'd end up being the bottleneck And by

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delegating to them they would learn more

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they would trust me and I would be able

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to spend my time in other areas and I

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wouldn't be the bottleneck From an

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organizational perspective if you're a

2:47

leader learn how to delegate because you

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don't want to spend 80 hours a week when

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you can cut that back to like 40 and 50

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especially if you have a great team

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Here's another one that's very important

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If you're in a job that you don't love

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then you need to do something about it I

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can't tell you how many times I've had

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people tell me that they wake up in the

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morning and they're miserable going to

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work As important it is to have a

3:08

paycheck I totally get it Now I'm not

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saying by any stretch of the imagination

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that you should just quit without a

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backup but be looking for something else

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You don't want to look back 5 years and

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say "I wasted all my time in this

3:19

organization I passed up these other

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opportunities." And the last thing I

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talk about this topic when it comes to

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time is be present I'm a father I got a

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7-year-old and a three-year-old So this

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is relatively new to me when it comes to

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being present when it comes to kids

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Somebody told me this the other day and

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it's so true The days are long but the

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years are short So be present Number two

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learning how to manage your money is

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absolutely critical I made so many

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mistakes over the years I wish they

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would have taught this in high school or

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in college If I would have just learned

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financial literacy early on I would have

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saved tens of thousands of dollars But I

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started late on figuring this out And

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I'm getting much better at it And can't

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look back on the wasted money You just

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got to learn from it I made so many

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mistakes over the years you know buying

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things I couldn't afford picking up

4:06

checks for lunches and dinners wasting

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money on people who weren't even my good

4:10

friends And I always kind of think to

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myself you know what i could figure this

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out later Why start now well let me tell

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you start now because the later catches

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up on you and you don't want to put

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yourself in a deficit I'm going to share

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with you five tips Now look I'm not a

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financial planner I'm not a CPA I'm just

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going to tell you some of the things

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that I've done that have been super

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helpful Number one live within your

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means Don't overspend If there's

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something you can't afford don't just

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throw it on the credit card because

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you're going to have to pay that

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sometime Number two is start saving

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Build an emergency fund If I'm making

4:45

good money what if for instance I lost

4:48

my job and I couldn't afford to pay the

4:50

mortgage anymore you got to be very

4:52

mindful of that So out of every paycheck

4:55

or whatever it is you're doing set aside

4:57

a little bit So at worst case scenario

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you have 3 to 6 months worth of backup

5:02

for an emergency Number three is start

5:06

investing your 401k match whatever it is

5:09

start learning how to either play the

5:11

stock market or get involved in real

5:12

estate because one thing I've learned is

5:15

that just making a salary isn't going to

5:17

get you the the financial wealth you

5:18

need long term Number four this has been

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a very hard one for me but know where

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every dollar goes on your credit cards

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or whatnot Keep tally of it And I think

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even with AI these days you can throw

5:29

your monthly statements into AI and you

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can build it out so you can track where

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you're spending because once you know

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where you're spending it gives you more

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insights and helps you realize do I

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really need this extra subscription do I

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really need to go out 5 days a week for

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dinner whatever it is be disciplined and

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learn how to track your money And number

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five is eliminate high interest debt

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especially when it comes to credit cards

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Do your very best to pay your credit

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cards off as soon as possible You don't

5:57

want to be stuck with big credit card

5:59

debt where you're paying 20% plus

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interest So when it comes to managing

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your money start now It's never too soon

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to do so Number three don't make

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emotional decisions Reacting emotionally

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can cost you Please think before you act

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I would say I'm pretty famous for

6:16

buyer's remorse What I mean by buyer's

6:18

remorse is you make a decision you buy

6:20

something and then a day later a week

6:22

later a month later you're like "Oh my

6:24

gosh why did I do that?" And a lot of

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the times when I reflect back it was

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because I had this emotional energy good

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or bad and I just didn't really think

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through the whole situations when it

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comes to decision- making especially if

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it's a very important decision stop

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reflect walk around the block talk to

6:43

somebody because most major decisions

6:46

don't need to happen automatically So

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take your time and think about it One

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thing I recommend you do is what I call

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purposeful awizing If you have a big

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decision in front of you whether it's

6:56

buying a house getting in a relationship

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or hiring a COO think about what is the

7:02

worst case scenario Think about one year

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out If things go completely bonkers can

7:07

I overcome this is it worth making this

7:10

decision and moving forward because if

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it's not or maybe you're unsure then

7:15

it's time to step back and reflect Are

7:17

you thinking with a clear head or are

7:19

you all pumped up and ready to make a

7:22

decision that you may have buyer's

7:24

remorse or regret number four is get

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comfortable with failure I'd like to say

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that I knew this all along I failed so

7:30

much in baseball but even then I I was

7:33

kind of worried about what people would

7:34

think So I let failure bother me And

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what I didn't realize at the time is

7:39

that you're always going to fail and

7:41

things are going to happen And growth

7:43

only really happens outside of your

7:44

comfort zone And to me one of the

7:46

biggest failures out there is just not

7:48

trying at all or giving up too early

7:50

Learn to get comfortable with failure

7:53

Some of the best leaders that I've

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interviewed on my show and I've got to

7:56

know over the years aren't afraid to

7:58

stick their neck out there and try and

7:59

just do the best they can Every

8:01

situation is a learning opportunity

8:03

Number five is don't stay stuck Whether

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it's in a job a relationship or a habit

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we talked about it a little bit earlier

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about staying in a job too long and

8:12

feeling like that you can't get that

8:14

time back Well it's called the sunken

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cost fallacy and it's very very

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important I actually had a full episode

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on it Uh you should check that out Don't

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feel like just because you've put time

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into something whether it's a

8:26

relationship and you think maybe it's

8:27

going to get better even though you know

8:28

it's miserable or you're working at a

8:30

job where you know you're not enjoying

8:32

yourself and you have more to offer

8:34

elsewhere You just have to get out there

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and and make that change because

8:38

otherwise you're going to look back

8:40

again and you're going to say why did I

8:42

stick with this for so long i was like

8:44

that with relationships I was like that

8:46

with some of the employees we kept

8:47

around at learn it that I knew maybe

8:49

weren't the best fit And the very first

8:50

step is just realizing that hey this is

8:52

a bad relationship or I really need to

8:54

change the way I'm I'm going about life

8:56

Go for it and make that change Don't

8:58

stay stuck Number six life doesn't

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always go as planned Life isn't linear

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Not in your personal life not in your

9:06

professional life When I was growing up

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I was sure I was going to be a Major

9:09

League Baseball player have four kids

9:12

live in Hillsboro to have my dad around

9:14

my whole life to have him see our

9:17

grandchildren grow up and be proud of me

9:19

sitting in in the stands watch me play

9:20

in the big leagues Here I am My baseball

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career ended at 22 years old I never

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made it to the big leagues My dad passed

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away of cancer at 6 years old And I

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don't have four kids I have two kids I

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have two amazing kids And I've had a

9:32

amazing career at Learn It Never in my

9:34

wildest dreams did I ever think that I

9:38

would be in the learning and development

9:39

world Sometimes things happen and you

9:41

can't control those detours and

9:43

sometimes you have constraints that you

9:44

have to live within When life zigs you

9:47

got to learn to zag Adaptability is

9:49

everything especially in this fast-paced

9:51

world If you want to be a founder or

9:53

you're going to be a parent life's not

9:55

going to be linear So you're going to

9:56

have to learn you're going to have to

9:58

grow and you're going to have to dust

9:59

yourself off when things just don't go

10:01

as planned The next time you run into a

10:03

speed bump in the road don't play a

10:06

victim Own up to it Make the best out of

10:08

it Enjoy your life and keep going Number

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seven is take action Confidence comes

10:15

from reps not from perfection You know

10:18

what confidence doesn't come from

10:20

sitting back and waiting for things to

10:21

happen or hoping for things to happen I

10:24

found that that causes anxiety If you

10:26

want to be great at something you got to

10:28

get out there and do it Here's an

10:30

example When my book first came out I

10:32

got on a podcast tour I was scared to

10:34

death to get out there and do podcasts

10:36

as a guest because I've never done it

10:37

before I've done interviews on baseball

10:39

but I was thinking to myself would

10:41

anybody even want to listen to me i

10:43

jumped on my first podcast with my now

10:45

friend Andy Storch of Talent Development

10:48

Hot Seat and I was absolutely awful

10:52

Embarrassing I thought it looked like I

10:53

was going to throw up But at the end of

10:54

it I asked Andy for some advice and I

10:57

told myself I want to get good at this

10:59

And the only way I'm gonna get good at

11:00

this is to get back in the game I

11:02

couldn't wait to get on and do another

11:04

podcast And since then I've probably

11:06

been on 150 podcasts And here I am doing

11:08

solos I'm probably not fantastic at it

11:11

Fast forward a year from now I'm telling

11:12

you I'll be much better I want you to

11:14

keep in mind you don't get good at

11:16

something by waiting around You get good

11:18

at something by starting Confidence

11:20

comes from reps Learn to take action May

11:23

not go as planned It may be fantastic

11:25

but you're going to learn something

11:26

every time And I think you should be

11:27

proud of yourself for sticking your neck

11:29

out there and taking action Number eight

11:32

learn to say no I've always wanted to be

11:34

a people pleaser I want to make people

11:36

happy But saying yes to everything not

11:39

only does it turn to burnout but you're

11:41

also saying yes to things and you'll

11:42

probably end up turning down things that

11:45

you should have said yes to because you

11:47

just didn't have the time It's okay to

11:49

say no People have other options and

11:51

you're doing them a disservice by saying

11:53

yes and not following through on your

11:55

work And I see this all the time in the

11:58

customers we work with at Learn It

11:59

people that I mentor and it's high

12:01

performing individuals who get more work

12:03

thrown on them over and over I call it

12:05

the VIP curse Somebody who's an awesome

12:08

producer So what does the boss do what

12:10

does the leader do they have a couple

12:12

people on the team let's say project

12:13

managers One project manager never hits

12:16

any of their goals One crushes it So you

12:18

just throw more projects on that person

12:20

And if this person doesn't set

12:21

boundaries and say no they're going to

12:23

get burned out and they may even leave

12:26

or stop being successful So if you're

12:29

that person who gets all these projects

12:31

thrown on you because you're super

12:33

successful you have to learn to say no

12:35

You need to sit down with your boss and

12:37

say "Hey look look what I got on my

12:39

plate Can we rep prioritize this?" And

12:42

if they are even a decent boss they're

12:44

going to say "Great point Let's work

12:47

this out." Because they don't want to

12:48

lose you either Learn to say no You'll

12:51

feel much better about yourself Number

12:53

nine don't avoid tough conversations

12:55

This goes for professionally this goes

12:56

for personally I learned this one from

12:58

Gary Ridge He's got a great new book out

13:00

called Any Dumbass Can Do It and we

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talked about on my podcast and he said

13:05

that poor leaders like to protect their

13:07

comfort zone Avoiding tough

13:09

conversations avoiding tough situations

13:11

because it's better for them Well you

13:13

know what happens when you're avoiding

13:15

tough conversations in the workforce

13:16

especially when it comes to your

13:18

employees or even your customers for

13:20

your employees you're doing them a

13:22

disservice I'll give you an example of

13:23

something I'm proud of About a year ago

13:25

we had a sales rep who's underperforming

13:28

and there was certain things that they

13:30

were doing and not doing that needed to

13:32

be addressed So at first I thought to

13:33

myself well this person you know they'll

13:35

figure it out They can work it out I

13:36

think they got the potential I don't

13:38

like having difficult conversations It's

13:39

that awkward moment And then I finally

13:42

said to myself you know what i have to

13:43

have this conversation I sat down with

13:45

the individual They took it very well

13:48

They thanked me and they immediately

13:50

turned it around If I would have

13:51

protected my comfort zone and not

13:54

reached out to that person they may not

13:56

even be here now and now they're

13:57

crushing it I want you to reflect back

13:59

on that leaders that you are doing your

14:01

team members a disservice if you're

14:03

avoiding those tough conversations They

14:05

deserve to be able to learn and grow A

14:08

lot of times that can't happen if

14:09

they're not getting feedback from those

14:10

tough moments Number 10 has been a big

14:13

one for me I talk a lot about it in my

14:14

book It's your identity isn't tied to

14:17

what you do but it should be about who

14:20

you are 22 years old my baseball career

14:24

came to an end and I thought to myself

14:26

what am I going to do i've only

14:28

identified as a baseball player Are any

14:29

of my skills even transferable and I was

14:32

depressed and so I didn't really know

14:34

what to do And if you read my book or

14:37

you heard some of my stories I started

14:39

off as a receptionist and I worked my

14:41

way up to become CEO of Learn It And I

14:44

realized that what I learned playing

14:45

baseball my athletic education all those

14:48

skills were transferable And I wish I

14:50

didn't go through that period for about

14:51

a year or two where I was depressed and

14:54

afraid to see people because I I was

14:56

afraid I'd go to like a local bar and

14:58

people would say "Well you're not

14:59

playing baseball anymore What are you

15:00

worth what's your value?" And at the end

15:02

of the day doesn't matter if I'm a

15:04

baseball player or I'm a CEO at Learn It

15:06

My identity really is somebody who I

15:09

believe has high integrity I think I'm

15:11

humble and I want to be kind Don't let a

15:13

job loss or a title define your self

15:14

worth Your real identity is who you are

15:17

as a person Number 11 is you're going to

15:20

regret the chances you didn't take Trust

15:22

me on that I'm 17 years old and I'm

15:24

sitting at the dining room table with my

15:26

parents and Bill Serena this famous

15:28

scout from the Atlanta Braves And in

15:30

front of me is a contract for $125,000

15:33

to play in the minor leagues for the

15:34

Atlanta Braves My parents said to me

15:36

"Hey Damon this is your decision We'll

15:38

back you up Whatever you want to do

15:40

we'll support you." I had a full ride to

15:41

Pepperdine I looked at this situation

15:44

and deep down in my heart I wanted to

15:46

take the contract and go play for the

15:48

Braves but I was scared and I was unsure

15:51

of myself and I passed it over I went on

15:53

to Pepperdine ended up at Arizona State

15:55

I had a great career but you know what

15:57

one thing I never did I've never had a

15:59

minor league at bat I never got a hit in

16:02

the minor leagues And I've gotten over

16:04

it but something I really really regret

16:07

If there's a situation there's a girl or

16:09

guy you want to ask out just go for it

16:11

What's the worst thing that happen

16:13

whether it's a job a person or even an

16:15

idea you got to take that leap Don't let

16:18

fear or what if stop you from trying Go

16:22

for it From somebody who's passed up a

16:24

couple opportunities that I wish I

16:26

didn't Please learn from me on that All

16:28

right we're rounding it up We got number

16:30

12 Number 12 is about travel If you have

16:32

an opportunity especially while you're

16:34

young live overseas live abroad I

16:38

interviewed this woman who was great Her

16:39

name was Erin Llewellyn and she's the

16:41

CEO of Tilting Futures and her and I

16:45

were talking about it how they help kids

16:46

go and they live in Cape Town or

16:48

Malaysia and how incredibly amazing it

16:51

is for them to live in this foreign

16:54

country And what you learn from living

16:57

abroad she said is it really gets you

16:59

out of your comfort zone You become a

17:01

better problem solver because you

17:03

probably don't know the language You

17:04

don't know the customs the culture that

17:06

people in You're forced to get out of

17:08

your comfort zone It's an amazing way to

17:10

get a different perspective of the world

17:12

Getting out and seeing what it's like

17:14

being somewhere else is incredible And

17:17

there's so many great learning

17:18

opportunities there for you I don't have

17:20

any specific studies but for all you

17:22

leaders out there one thing that I've

17:24

always heard and seen is that when

17:26

you're looking to hire people especially

17:28

other people who are leaders find people

17:30

who have explored and lived in different

17:32

countries before because they're more

17:34

adaptable and they could look at things

17:36

from a different perspective All right

17:37

so I share with you 12 lessons of things

17:40

that I learned that I know now that I

17:43

wish I knew much earlier in my life And

17:45

what I want to do is I want to challenge

17:47

you to think about just one of them when

17:49

it comes to your life and apply it this

17:52

week Whether it's saving money whether

17:55

it's having that difficult conversation

17:57

you've put off or that opportunity

17:59

that's out there that you just haven't

18:01

gone for yet and do it Just do that one

18:03

thing today And I want you to share with

18:05

me one thing that you learned that you

18:07

wish you knew when you were younger I

18:09

also think you should check out my book

18:10

The Learn It All Leader Mindset Tools

18:12

and Traits because I've got a lot of

18:14

great stories in there about life

18:16

lessons identity imposter syndrome and

18:19

if this episode resonated with you at

18:21

all I think you should check it out

18:22

Until next time everybody stay curious

18:25

keep learning and have a great day Thank

18:27

you

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