157: What Happened When I Said No to the Thing Everyone Says Yes To | Damon Lembi

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hey everyone it's Damon i want to tell

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you about the best decision I ever made

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in my life and one of the

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hardest nine years ago I quit drinking

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not because I ever got in trouble not

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because anybody ever told me I needed to

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or I got a DUI or anything like that but

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because I started to feel like I wasn't

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showing up as the person I wanted to be

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or the leader I wanted to be welcome to

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the Learn It All Podcast the show for

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today's leaders who want to get ahead

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and stay ahead because we believe great

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leaders aren't born or made we're always

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in the making and I'm Damon Lebby

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two-time bestselling author and CEO of

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Learn It a live learning platform that

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has helped upskill over two million

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people over the past three decades crazy

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as it may sound to some of you drinking

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has been part of my life since I was 17

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years old it was just normal buying beer

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with our fake IDs in high school then it

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led to great times in college playing

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sports and going out and having drinks

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afterwards then with work it was

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business dinners weekends concerts ball

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games alcohol was always there and for a

The role alcohol played in his personal, professional, and social life

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long time it was totally fine it totally

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worked until it didn't i would say about

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nine months before I quit drinking i

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started asking myself what would my life

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look like if I didn't drink would I feel

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better would I be sharper and am I

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taking away years of my life by beating

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up my body putting it through the toll

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of drinking i saw my grandfather live to

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100 years old because he took really

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really good care of himself didn't drink

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a lot exercise all the time and then his

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son my dad died at 62 years old of

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cancer and it wasn't because he was a

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big drinker but I saw the toll that

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drinking and stress and everything that

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he did happened to him and I'm sure it

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contributed to him getting cancer and

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eventually passing away at an early age

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i thought to myself I want to make a big

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change and today I want to share that

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story with you but I also want to go

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deeper than just a story because I'm not

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here to preach to you and tell you

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because I quit drinking that you should

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quit drinking i'm not a doctor i'm not a

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scientist but I want to share with you

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the exact steps that I took that worked

The turning point: noticing the impact on his health, energy, and finances

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for me in making a big change in my life

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whether it's drinking whether it's

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eating habits let's say maybe you say

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yes too much or maybe even something

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like you want to get out of a

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relationship that you know is not

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working i'm going to share with you the

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exact steps I took to make it stick my

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hope is that today you're going to walk

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away from this episode with some real

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tools that might help you make a shift

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of your own that you'll be super proud

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of there was no rock bottom moment for

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me i never got a DUI i never got in a

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fight and got kicked out of a bar but

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over time I started to feel it and and

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the wear and tear on my body the cost

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living in downtown San Francisco going

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out with clients and co-workers and

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buddies all the time it just felt like

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it was part of the job but eventually

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and it took a long time I started

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wondering is this holding me back more

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than it's helping me i wanted to live a

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healthier life i wanted to feel clearer

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i wanted to be sharp all the time and I

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wanted to feel proud of how I was

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showing up and to be honest I also

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wanted to save some money going out with

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your buddies your friends taking your

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wife out for a nice dinner with a group

Reflecting on family: longevity, legacy, and leadership

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you look at your credit card bill the

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next day make it really add up and at

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the time I decided to quit drinking i

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didn't have any children but I knew I

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wanted to and I started thinking about

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the example I wanted to be for my kids

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and I also thought about the wear and

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tear I'm putting on my body now i may

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not be around long enough to see them

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through the best parts of their life i

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want to be proactive and make this

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change now it was really important to me

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to think about not only what kind of dad

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I eventually wanted to be but I thought

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I'd be a better husband and also the

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kind of leader I wanted to be at work

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and at home here's what helped me get

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there these are five real steps I took

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and I think you can apply them to almost

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any major lifestyle change step one was

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get curious i started reading books

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about quitting drinking behavior change

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and I had an honest conversation with

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people close to me who have already made

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the choice to give up drinking one

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person I really admired is my best

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friend who'd been sober for about 8

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years at the time i I sat down with him

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and talked about uh my situation and got

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his thoughts on how it worked for him

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and that curiosity gave me permission to

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explore without pressure i didn't need

Step 1: Get curious—books, conversations, and quiet exploration

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to go out and talk to a lot of people

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about it i just had a couple few that I

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was even considering it i read books and

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I watched documentaries and all that

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information and curiosity helped me

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think through what I was going to do

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step two I journaled i'll be honest I'm

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not a big journal guy but I sat down and

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I wrote out why I wanted to quit what I

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was scared of what I hoped life would

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look like without it let's say in a year

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or two I lost a bunch of weight i was

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healthier i was more confident in myself

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i wouldn't have to deal with the

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fuzziness or being hung over and those

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are all things that really motivated me

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and put things in perspective that

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process it brought it into focus it made

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it feel real and also something that was

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cool was it actually made me feel less

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anxious step three now this is an

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important one and I wouldn't recommend

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doing this until you're really committed

Step 2: Journal—getting fears and hopes onto the page

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step three is I told people that was a

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huge for me i told my mom and my best

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friend because when you say it out loud

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you're accountable and I've always been

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somebody that I don't want to

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overpromise and underproduce if I say

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something I'm gonna do it and especially

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when it comes to somebody you love you

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don't want to let them down my mom was a

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little confused when I told her because

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she didn't think it was that much of a

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big deal for me but she was very proud

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of me and said "Look I'll be there

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whenever you need me." And my best

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friend said he would support me in any

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way possible after I had these

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conversations that's when I knew I was

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very serious step four I committed i

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went all in i picked a date and I said

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"This is going to be my last drink." And

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I did it and I remember it like it was

Step 3: Tell someone—why accountability changed everything

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yesterday it was actually at my good

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friend and co-orker Courtney Richie's

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engagement party and after the party

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ended I went to Original Joe's in San

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Francisco with a couple of my good

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friends and co-workers Evans and Jamie

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we order a bottle of wine and I said

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"Ladies cheers to you this is going to

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be my last drink ever." And they laughed

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and said "Come on Damon you can't be

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serious." And I did it that was it the

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first month felt very slow time dragged

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i even went to a couple AA meetings it

Step 4: Commit—picking a date and making it real

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was an incredible community but it just

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wasn't for me and I think that's

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important because if you're going to

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make a big lifestyle change like this

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you got to find what's going to work for

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you if you try to push a situation on

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yourself that maybe you're uncomfortable

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and it's going to be hard to be

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consistent as much as I thought the AA

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meetings were great and they're great

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for so many people I just thought that

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the path I was going to take to quit

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drinking was going to be a different one

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i took one day at a time and I just kept

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going and one day turned into two weeks

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turned into two months and like I said

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it turned into nine years in step five I

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leaned into discomfort the first big

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party after quitting at this big mansion

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in Silicon Valley this big-time mortgage

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broker and it was like a frat party for

Early challenges: awkward parties, AA meetings, and finding his own path

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adults and the very first thing

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everybody did was they got around and

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they were going to have tequila shots

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and this was a week or two after I quit

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drinking and I was first of all super

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anxious how am I going to explain to

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people that I'm not drinking and I

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didn't know how to say no so I literally

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made an excuse and I went and kind of

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hid in the back room and and just waited

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till it was over over time I got much

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more comfortable and I stopped caring

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about what other people thought because

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the truth is at the end of the day

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people don't really care what you do

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they might ask a question or whatever

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but within a couple minutes they just go

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back to their own thing and if anything

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I found over time when I tell people

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that I quit drinking they tell me that

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they admire me for doing it and they

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even ask questions like "Man I would

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really like to do that as well." And can

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you share with me a little bit about

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what you did if you are looking at

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making a a big decision like this don't

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be anxious or worried about what other

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people think about you do what's best

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for yourself and put yourself and your

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family first what changed after I quit

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drinking i would say within 2 weeks I

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started feeling sharper more focused

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more energy i slept better i started

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eating better and I felt much more

Step 5: Lean into discomfort—navigating social pressure and anxiety

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confident and also another thing one of

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my habits was if I had a stressful

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personal professional situation I would

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have a couple drinks I think a lot of

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people do to to numb the the fear or the

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anxiety and getting out of my my comfort

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zone I didn't have alcohol to help numb

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me in these situations and what I found

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out early on was that first of all we

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all know that that's only temporary

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drinking to make you feel better during

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your problems but facing it with a clear

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sharp mind head on was 10x better i

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didn't need to numb the situation i just

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faced it and that was an absolute game

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changer for me overall I realized I just

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became more present at work at home and

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in life and 9 years later I can say that

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this changed my life for the better and

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I'm really proud of myself for being

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able to do so and I look at some of the

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things I've accomplished over the last

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nine years and to be honest I'm not sure

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I would have been able to accomplish

What changed: sleep, clarity, confidence, and sharper decision-making

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what I have if I hadn't give up drinking

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i've written two books launched this

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podcast learning really well and I think

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that I've taken my leadership to the

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next level but I guess you'd have to ask

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my team and our customers about that one

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maybe drinking isn't your thing maybe

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for you it's sugar or saying yes too

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much or maybe you need to make a change

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about the people who surround you or

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even just getting better at managing

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your calendar whatever it is you can

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make that change and let me remind you

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how start by getting curious write it

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down tell someone commit and be willing

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to get uncomfortable that my friends is

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when growth happens i want to leave you

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with a challenge what's one thing in

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your life that's holding you back what

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would your life look like without it and

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who's one person you could tell once

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you're ready to commit to help you get

Why alcohol used to be a coping mechanism—and how Damon replaced it

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started that's it no pressure i just

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wanted to share with you what helped me

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and if I can do it you could do it too i

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promise you that i want you to do one

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more favor before I sign off i want you

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to think about someone who could benefit

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from this episode maybe somebody who's

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had a hard time changing who wants to

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change send them this episode maybe it

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could help them and look if you ever

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want to have a conversation send me a

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note i'd be happy to jump on a quick

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call i've been so fortunate to have

The long-term impact on his career, health, and creativity

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people help me and I'd like to give back

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in return until next time stay curious

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keep learning and have a great day

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